Local Democratic Socialists Prove Socialism Works, But Only After Capitalism Has Already Worked For Your Parents

In a breakthrough for economic theory, the Democratic Socialists of America have reportedly demonstrated that collective ownership and radical redistribution are entirely viable lifestyle choices when someone else has already done the accumulating.

Gustavo Gordillo, a leader in New York City's DSA chapter, has become the movement's most persuasive advocate for the cause after it was reported that he resides in a $1.5 million New York City home paid for by his millionaire parents, a detail critics have described as ideologically inconvenient and supporters have described as mutual aid with better square footage.

The arrangement, which leaves the core tenets of socialism intact while outsourcing the funding mechanism to capitalism, has been hailed as an elegant synthesis of competing systems. Under the model, the means of production remain fiercely contested in public, while the means of paying the mortgage remain privately resolved within the family.

Observers noted that the residence serves as a living case study in the party's housing platform. While the DSA continues to campaign against the commodification of housing and the excesses of inherited wealth, it has simultaneously pioneered an innovative transitional program in which housing is decommodified through the simple expedient of having it commodified on your behalf at an earlier date.

Political theorists have praised the nuance. The critique of capitalism, it turns out, is not that it fails to produce beautiful $1.5 million homes in one of the most expensive real estate markets on earth, but that it does not produce them equitably for everyone except the people tasked with critiquing it.

In recognition of the achievement, party organizers are said to be updating outreach materials to clarify that the revolution will be fully funded, provided attendees bring a trust.